It's late. I'm in a jumble.

I am getting increasingly excited.

I really, really think I may be able to make things happen. The fact is, I've tried to make things happen, and when I put sincere effort into things I want to achieve, typically, I'm able to achieve them (barring genuinely significant hurdles -- like stays in the hospital, family emergencies, etc.).

Let's use the example of my current job. Some people I know will say that there is no reason I should not have been hired, but, let me tell you the story.

I applied for a job in an area I did not have much experience -- but I prepared for the interviews (three of them!) and discussed my previous experience and how it applied to the job for which I was applying. I was confident, listened, asked questions, and showed that I was motivated. These are all really important things in the interview/application process.

I was a nervous wreck for weeks and weeks. There were many other applicants, because it's the sort of job a lot of people want, in the publishing industry. However, whenever I ran into any of the people with whom I interviewed, I acted confident and sure and interested --- which are all attributes that were present in me, but difficult to demonstrate when you're nervous and worried about a situation that is important to you.

Needless to say, I got the job. When the job was offered to me, I was .....surprised. Proud. Excited.

Grateful.

Anyway.

My point is, regardless of how discombobulated my thought-to-written word process is right now, is that when I force actions to reach a particular goal, I typically reach it. Exceptions include making honors on my honors thesis, but -- and I hate making excuses -- I had a severe seizure (which seemed to temporarily limit my mental capacity; I was often confused), infections in both my hands, and a family member died in my final semester. Plus, I was still working a number of hours in addition to hours of research and writing and revision. I just couldn't pull it together.

However, the situation has since changed.

I have a full time job which I love. I have a stable commute, and I do not strain myself on a regular basis, which makes it significantly easier to pursue my goals.

One such goal is to publish a chapbook. I'm going to do it.

I'm building a collection of poems now. I have written some recently that I'm very proud of. I need to write more.

I also want to send in single poems to magazines; I expect rejection, but I don't care. I'll keep trying. Rejection is part of the process, and so far, I've had very positive responses to my previous efforts. Promising.

I'll enter a content or two as well, though I don't have as high hopes about that option.

I also keep looking -- on and off -- into grad school. I'm really torn about this matter; I already have a job in my chosen profession; also, because of my not necessary exemplary academic record (because of full time schooling combined with full time working plus poor self-care) I don't think I could get into a school with a program I value. If anyone has thoughts on this matter, throw them this way. I'm also limited geographically. Considerations, considerations.

Tomorrow: writing. Closet cleaning. Organizing. Grocery shopping. Cooking.

Lots to do. Lots to do.