Thursday, August 16, 2007

Satisfaction and Guilt

Right now I feel extremely satisfied. I just busted out a draft of a poem that I have had rattling in my brain for days and making my stomach absorb the guilt for the feelings it inspires. But now it's written, and I feel like I've had a good meal. I don't think I could ever try to publish it. No matter how proud of it I am, I still feel a terrible sense of betrayal having written it.

Any minute now MB will arrive, and we'll begin piecing together music. I hope it works. I hope we find it liberating, even if it sounds horrible and cheese-filled. At least it might be delicious.

I also feel immensely satisfied with work, and I'm currently pursuing some freelance consulting. We'll see how that goes.

I feel full of words again! I love that feeling. For the last few weeks I've been overwhelming by this void, and a complete lack of words even in regular conversation. Meaning, I couldn't find the words, even when I had something real to say. It's a complete relief that the sourcing of my vocabulary is no longer a problem.

Now for the moments of waiting, and then banging on the piano will commence.

Hallamajalluyah.

Awoman, ladies!

1 comment:

Elena said...

I love the poem! It is quiet beautiful, my dear. Isn’t it just lovely to get it out on a piece of paper and to see it written down?! In words!

And yes, Rupert has been gone a long time, but one day he will be back... I look forward to that day. Patience.