Things feel good right now.
1. Thank you Red Sox for winning the World Series!
I love Jonathan Papelbon. Seriously, pictures of that boy dancing just make my day: they're freaking hilarious. Who dances with a cigar and gatorade? Gross!
The best thing is that I was at home for this win. Last time, I was in the hospital, passed out.
Now I can sleep again (or at least, without guilt). Wish we had bought some furniture. Dammit!
2. Work is going well. I just love my job. I can't get enough of it. The best thing about it is it gives me an opportunity to identify my own challenges. I need, for example, to be able to better assess the work that comes in, my own work, and express that assessment effectively. That's tough for me, because once I get any distance from anything I tend to exaggerate; it becomes much worse (or better) in my head than it actually is. At the same time, I hate to say anything disparaging about anything, especially another writer. Sometimes, it has to be done. It's not about them, after all; it's about their work.
Even though I love what I do, sometimes I get distracted by other goings-on in the world or in the office; I do my best to devote all my attention to what I'm doing to ensure the quality of the piece.
I've been there for a year today; I've been in the role I am currently in for a year.
3. I've met some nice people lately. This is good for me. I'm naturally rather introverted, and susceptible to self-induced loneliness. That isolation is particularly acute when it comes to writing, particularly where Alexis and I just started magazine operations, but we are located at opposite ends of the country (she in CA, I in MA). It felt like it would be: more volume. Immediately. The lack thereof, somehow, makes the isolation persist. It's a slightly bigger island, but now, thankfully, at least I know a few more people on it.
4. Kristin is coming to visit next month! That's very exciting. I love that girl to death. She's one of the best human beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Because she lives at the bottom of the coast, obviously, I don't see her all that often anymore. There was a glorious year when she lived directly down the street from me, and then within just about a mile. Halcyon days, friends, halcyon days.
5. People have made some pretty good recommendations to me, music-wise. I found some new artists I actually like, and I don't feel perpetually bored when I am listening to the same old songs over and over.
6. I think I've finally come to a conclusion about grad school. I had talked to a lot of people who pointed out the benefits: time with your writing, "expert" advice, a learning community, new connections and so forth. Those are all valid. However, if I went to grad school, I would have to work as well. I had stipulated earlier that I didn't want to go unless I could go all in and just complete my degree and nothing else.
That's not feasible. At all. Not only is it not feasible, it's not really what I want, because I do love my job and don't want to sacrifice it.
Interestingly, on a whim, I asked my boss, Jim, if he went to grad school and what he thought about the value of the experience. Interestingly, I learned that he enrolled for the same type of program I would enroll in (MFA -- CW), got to the school, and then turned around and went home. There were several reasons for this, which we discussed, but he made a point of saying that unless you can pursue it the way you really, truly want to pursue it, it won't be worth it. I had signed up to go to an information session at a school which would be a major compromise for me.
I don't want to compromise my dreams. My dreams are multi-faceted, and deserve all my attention in the best way I can provide it. The best way I can do that now is to keep the job that I love and pursue my poetry "career" (a contradiction in terms?) in my spare time. At night. With the other poets that are out there trying to do the same.
There are a lot of you, I know.
As it stands now, I work in a capacity that is very fulfilling, and I pursue my other interests when I come home, on the weekends, in all my spare time. I don't think I want to tie that -- honestly very effective -- set of functions to conditions set by a professor who may not be aligned with my thinking. I understand that everything requires skill sets, and that is something education can offer. At the same time, I've been to enough school to know that sometimes, those skill sets may be coupled with poor advice or unintentional bias towards a particular way of operating.
So far, I'm doing ok. I am meeting goals, one step at a time.
Until the day comes that I can pursue it whole-heartedly, I'm going to leave grad school on the backburner. The one without a pilot light.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
General Nonsense.
I. Love. The. Red. Sox.
Thank you, boys, for making this so very nice so far. It's been so comfortable that I've been able to sleep at night. I appreciate it.
This weekend and through next Wednesday is going to be crazy here in my hometown: it's Halloween.
Where do I live?
Oh, just in Halloween Town, Massachusetts. Salem. Salem, MA.
The streets are flooded with costumed guests who steal our parking spots in our tiny, crowded red faced city.
Every year for a month, the town is overcrowded.
Every year for a single evening, the town is a sardine can.
It's coming. It's on its way.
****
In other nonsensical ramblings, I am extremely tired lately. Last night I meant to go to the reading at the Monet Garden in Beverly but missed out because I was conked out by 8, more or less. I'm trying to fix it so that I'm not exhausted all the time. Right now, I could go to sleep. With ease.
Work is lovely -- but silent -- because I get to read and write all day. It's still surreal. Amazing, too, is the fact that landing that job made me confident enough to do things I probably wouldn't have done otherwise. Like start a magazine.
The magazine is still underway, like its website. We are still accepting submissions. You should send some.
******
I'm supposed to go to a party tonight. At my brother's. I don't know if I can handle it, but I'm going to try.
I want to get some writing done this weekend, as well as some reading, some recreational piano playing, some general chillaxing.
You dig? Chillaxing.
Yeah.
Thank you, boys, for making this so very nice so far. It's been so comfortable that I've been able to sleep at night. I appreciate it.
This weekend and through next Wednesday is going to be crazy here in my hometown: it's Halloween.
Where do I live?
Oh, just in Halloween Town, Massachusetts. Salem. Salem, MA.
The streets are flooded with costumed guests who steal our parking spots in our tiny, crowded red faced city.
Every year for a month, the town is overcrowded.
Every year for a single evening, the town is a sardine can.
It's coming. It's on its way.
****
In other nonsensical ramblings, I am extremely tired lately. Last night I meant to go to the reading at the Monet Garden in Beverly but missed out because I was conked out by 8, more or less. I'm trying to fix it so that I'm not exhausted all the time. Right now, I could go to sleep. With ease.
Work is lovely -- but silent -- because I get to read and write all day. It's still surreal. Amazing, too, is the fact that landing that job made me confident enough to do things I probably wouldn't have done otherwise. Like start a magazine.
The magazine is still underway, like its website. We are still accepting submissions. You should send some.
******
I'm supposed to go to a party tonight. At my brother's. I don't know if I can handle it, but I'm going to try.
I want to get some writing done this weekend, as well as some reading, some recreational piano playing, some general chillaxing.
You dig? Chillaxing.
Yeah.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Yesterday was something.
I read at the New & Emerging Writers Series Poetry Extravaganza in Arlington, MA, with three other very talented poets who stunned my tongue silent with their talent:
Jarita Davis
January O'Neil
Betsy Retallack
I had a great time, and would like to continue thanking January O'Neil and Erin Dionne for organizing such a lovely series -- and for including me!
After coming home from the Poetry Extravaganza, I settled down to watch the Boston Red Sox destroy the tribe to take the ALCS CHAMPIONSHIP! and onto the world series we go!
Jonathan Papelbon, my friends, the man knows how to party.
Go Sox!
I read at the New & Emerging Writers Series Poetry Extravaganza in Arlington, MA, with three other very talented poets who stunned my tongue silent with their talent:
Jarita Davis
January O'Neil
Betsy Retallack
I had a great time, and would like to continue thanking January O'Neil and Erin Dionne for organizing such a lovely series -- and for including me!
After coming home from the Poetry Extravaganza, I settled down to watch the Boston Red Sox destroy the tribe to take the ALCS CHAMPIONSHIP! and onto the world series we go!
Jonathan Papelbon, my friends, the man knows how to party.
Go Sox!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Yesterday.
Yesterday I felt terrible. I went to work, with the intent of toughing it out. Worse, my blood sugar would not go down. So I think I must have caught something.
Because my pump doesn't seem to be delivering enough insulin, I change it. Still nothing. The site is perfectly fine.... is it the insulin?
I try a shot. It does nothing.
Insulin it is. Why? I don't know. So I opened a new bottle, took a shot, which worked, and reattached my pump. That is the stupidest thing, bad insulin. There's no way to protect against it. It was a new-ish bottle, so I'm not sure what the problem was. But regardless, it didn't work. I started to feel better around 330.
Today.
Again, I woke up with very high blood sugar -- I'm not sure why. Once I bolused enough it came down -- and I felt better. So I adjusted the nighttime basals. Hopefully that will help.
I hope to start my running program tomorrow, pending that i wake up not feeling like total crap. While my blood sugar is down, my stomach is bugging me; I don't want to risk aggravating any problems by going out. So I'm staying in today/tonight. I feel bad, because I was supposed to go to a show tonight. What can you do.
I am very excited about tomorrow. I hope it goes well.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'll practice reading a little; hopefully work on writing new material; hang out with donnie; and then, it's reading time. I'll be reading with January O'Neil and Jarita Davis.
I am very excited.
Yesterday I felt terrible. I went to work, with the intent of toughing it out. Worse, my blood sugar would not go down. So I think I must have caught something.
Because my pump doesn't seem to be delivering enough insulin, I change it. Still nothing. The site is perfectly fine.... is it the insulin?
I try a shot. It does nothing.
Insulin it is. Why? I don't know. So I opened a new bottle, took a shot, which worked, and reattached my pump. That is the stupidest thing, bad insulin. There's no way to protect against it. It was a new-ish bottle, so I'm not sure what the problem was. But regardless, it didn't work. I started to feel better around 330.
Today.
Again, I woke up with very high blood sugar -- I'm not sure why. Once I bolused enough it came down -- and I felt better. So I adjusted the nighttime basals. Hopefully that will help.
I hope to start my running program tomorrow, pending that i wake up not feeling like total crap. While my blood sugar is down, my stomach is bugging me; I don't want to risk aggravating any problems by going out. So I'm staying in today/tonight. I feel bad, because I was supposed to go to a show tonight. What can you do.
I am very excited about tomorrow. I hope it goes well.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'll practice reading a little; hopefully work on writing new material; hang out with donnie; and then, it's reading time. I'll be reading with January O'Neil and Jarita Davis.
I am very excited.
Monday, October 15, 2007
sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY
I'm pretty excited for it.
Sunday, 4pm at the Regent Theatre Screening Room on Medford Street, Arlington, MA (off Mass Ave)
Four other poets (I think) and I will be reading our -- you got it -- poetry for an audience. For nothing but their gratitude or their attitude. I'll take either one or both. Be there or be some sort of boxy shape that nobody likes but everyone appreciates for its capacity in moving situations.
You get the point.
Sunday, 4pm at the Regent Theatre Screening Room on Medford Street, Arlington, MA (off Mass Ave)
Four other poets (I think) and I will be reading our -- you got it -- poetry for an audience. For nothing but their gratitude or their attitude. I'll take either one or both. Be there or be some sort of boxy shape that nobody likes but everyone appreciates for its capacity in moving situations.
You get the point.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Chicken Soup for the Mild Cold
I've not felt so well the last few days. However, this morning, I am feeling considerably better.
Incidentally, on Friday, I nearly called into work because I felt so poorly. However, had I done that, no one would have been there -- everyone else (all two of them) in my department was out as well.
This morning I still didn't feel well, and was awake around 7 am when I could have been sleeping. So I sat up and tried writing a few poems -- including one made of quatrains. When I was twenty, I was OBSESSED with quatrains. They were all I wanted, ever. Now I'm more of an allovertheplace type, but today I revisited that form and wanted to cry a little. It was awful.
But I did it nonetheless. Then I wrote three other drafts which, in my current opinion, are poor. But this is what happens when you write when you feel stale and sick. Sometimes, when you force it, it works out. Not so this morning.
I'm dying to write a story, too, but I'm having some trouble laying one out. I don't know where these people go, what they do. That said, getting out and hearing more is helping to rebuild my confidence, even though I'm listening to others. Not because the work is bad - in fact, it's excellent -- but because others are doing it, too. Does that make sense? I think it does, but my wording is rather poor.
Today is cooking/baking/cleaning day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but I felt too sick to do much of anything.
See you on the other side of my homemade soup.
Incidentally, on Friday, I nearly called into work because I felt so poorly. However, had I done that, no one would have been there -- everyone else (all two of them) in my department was out as well.
This morning I still didn't feel well, and was awake around 7 am when I could have been sleeping. So I sat up and tried writing a few poems -- including one made of quatrains. When I was twenty, I was OBSESSED with quatrains. They were all I wanted, ever. Now I'm more of an allovertheplace type, but today I revisited that form and wanted to cry a little. It was awful.
But I did it nonetheless. Then I wrote three other drafts which, in my current opinion, are poor. But this is what happens when you write when you feel stale and sick. Sometimes, when you force it, it works out. Not so this morning.
I'm dying to write a story, too, but I'm having some trouble laying one out. I don't know where these people go, what they do. That said, getting out and hearing more is helping to rebuild my confidence, even though I'm listening to others. Not because the work is bad - in fact, it's excellent -- but because others are doing it, too. Does that make sense? I think it does, but my wording is rather poor.
Today is cooking/baking/cleaning day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but I felt too sick to do much of anything.
See you on the other side of my homemade soup.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
KYEO
Tonight is very sedate. I am preparing for Friday, for the weekend. I have things that need to do be done. Namely:
I need to make soup to last about a week. It needs to be good chicken soup. I need to make it.
I need to make cookies. Goddammit, I need cookies.
I need to get or make gluten free meatballs. Or, I need to go to that place in New Hampshire with the GF everything ever.
I need to relax. Seriously relax.
I need to assess the submissions and figure out how to get more.
I need to assess where we are with getting the website up.
I need to talk to my friends sometime this weekend, too, probably.
I need some serious me time. Shouldn't be a problem, because I have a thousand things to do. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and assessing, and so forth.
Anyhow. Enough about what I need. How about what I've done?
Last night, I sat at my desk until long after my shift -- my workday, I don't really have a "shift" per say -- had ended. I sat there. I went up the street and got some mango curry. I came back. I ate it. I read the news. And so forth. Then I went outside, moved my car, and cleaned it out. Shortly thereafter, the Emilys arrived.
I work with two nice girls named Emily. Together, we piled into my newly-cleaned of all straw-wrappers car and drove to Boston, where we -- I -- promptly lost track of Comm Ave once into Allston because I haven't been there in a long time. The street we were looking for was poorly marked, too -- when I say 'poorly marked', I guess I mean 'was not marked.'
We found our way to the building, where we sat in the aisle and listened to the speaker, Mark Strand, well... speak.
He read a handful of poems. He read for maybe an hour. Took no questions. Told (as far as I know) no lies. Stated no statements thereafter. Made many jokes.
His poems were pretty good. It's weird, though, how things get lost in translation betwixt reading and hearing.
I want to impart all the laughter that was had in the car, but it can't be done. I am tired and sort of despondent just now. I was just talking to my dear friend and with a beep she was gone to another call. It happens. But the cats are anxious and though there is no catastrophe at hand, I am afraid it could be just around the corner.
I'm keeping an eye out.
I need to make soup to last about a week. It needs to be good chicken soup. I need to make it.
I need to make cookies. Goddammit, I need cookies.
I need to get or make gluten free meatballs. Or, I need to go to that place in New Hampshire with the GF everything ever.
I need to relax. Seriously relax.
I need to assess the submissions and figure out how to get more.
I need to assess where we are with getting the website up.
I need to talk to my friends sometime this weekend, too, probably.
I need some serious me time. Shouldn't be a problem, because I have a thousand things to do. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and assessing, and so forth.
Anyhow. Enough about what I need. How about what I've done?
Last night, I sat at my desk until long after my shift -- my workday, I don't really have a "shift" per say -- had ended. I sat there. I went up the street and got some mango curry. I came back. I ate it. I read the news. And so forth. Then I went outside, moved my car, and cleaned it out. Shortly thereafter, the Emilys arrived.
I work with two nice girls named Emily. Together, we piled into my newly-cleaned of all straw-wrappers car and drove to Boston, where we -- I -- promptly lost track of Comm Ave once into Allston because I haven't been there in a long time. The street we were looking for was poorly marked, too -- when I say 'poorly marked', I guess I mean 'was not marked.'
We found our way to the building, where we sat in the aisle and listened to the speaker, Mark Strand, well... speak.
He read a handful of poems. He read for maybe an hour. Took no questions. Told (as far as I know) no lies. Stated no statements thereafter. Made many jokes.
His poems were pretty good. It's weird, though, how things get lost in translation betwixt reading and hearing.
I want to impart all the laughter that was had in the car, but it can't be done. I am tired and sort of despondent just now. I was just talking to my dear friend and with a beep she was gone to another call. It happens. But the cats are anxious and though there is no catastrophe at hand, I am afraid it could be just around the corner.
I'm keeping an eye out.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Predictions & Facts
So, I was right. Today sucked a little. This morning I felt like I couldn't read. As if I was going blind. I tried to write a new article, but only completed the research. However, I did complete a huge chunk of another project, so that's something.
I've been hot and tired and sick-feeling all damn day. My blood sugar is finally down -- I had to change my pump. I don't know what its problem was. It all seemed so kosher. Something was amiss, certainly.
I went to the Salem Writer's Group event at Cornerstone. I didn't read, but I was happy that Marybeth did. She read the poem I love, about the museum -- its permanence in history, and the world moving forward -- literally coming undone -- in front of her outside. I love that poem.
I heard a lot of other really great stuff tonight. Totally impressed, really, by everything I heard. I loved every second of it, even if I felt like I was dying inside from oppressive body heat. Ugh. Coupled with hot chocolate. Not a good idea.
I announced the launch of the review, as well, and handed out flyers that called for submissions. A few people took stacks to distribute to others, which made me so happy. I hope we get more responses.
The bad news is that one of our craigslist ads was flagged and taken down. So sad. Oh well. There are other ways to advertise. As was proven this evening. :)
I think it's ice cream time.
I've been hot and tired and sick-feeling all damn day. My blood sugar is finally down -- I had to change my pump. I don't know what its problem was. It all seemed so kosher. Something was amiss, certainly.
I went to the Salem Writer's Group event at Cornerstone. I didn't read, but I was happy that Marybeth did. She read the poem I love, about the museum -- its permanence in history, and the world moving forward -- literally coming undone -- in front of her outside. I love that poem.
I heard a lot of other really great stuff tonight. Totally impressed, really, by everything I heard. I loved every second of it, even if I felt like I was dying inside from oppressive body heat. Ugh. Coupled with hot chocolate. Not a good idea.
I announced the launch of the review, as well, and handed out flyers that called for submissions. A few people took stacks to distribute to others, which made me so happy. I hope we get more responses.
The bad news is that one of our craigslist ads was flagged and taken down. So sad. Oh well. There are other ways to advertise. As was proven this evening. :)
I think it's ice cream time.
Ugh.
I've been awake with heartburn & high blood sugar since 330.
I can't get back to sleep.
I'm wide awake.
I have to start to get ready for work in thirty minutes.
Today is going to suck a little, I think.
I can't get back to sleep.
I'm wide awake.
I have to start to get ready for work in thirty minutes.
Today is going to suck a little, I think.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Media Mayhem
Currently watching:
Yankees v. Indians. Ultimately, I want the Indians to win, but I'd like it if the Yankees wore them out over five games first. I can dream.
Current playlist:
Iron & Wine -- Our Endless Numbered Days
St. Vincent -- Marry Me
Regina Spektor -- Begin to Hope + Extras; Live at Lollapalooza
John Vanderslice -- the Minaret
Laura Veirs -- Saltbreakers
PJ Harvey -- White Chalk
Joanna Newsom -- Milk-eyed Mender; Cosmia
Tiny Vipers -- Hands Across the Void
I'm feeling pretty mellow this week.
Tons of events to go to in the next two weeks; people to see; submissions to read.
Want to learn to get up earlier to go running, but I think it's a broken dream. Maybe I should just run in the afternoon.
Yankees v. Indians. Ultimately, I want the Indians to win, but I'd like it if the Yankees wore them out over five games first. I can dream.
Current playlist:
Iron & Wine -- Our Endless Numbered Days
St. Vincent -- Marry Me
Regina Spektor -- Begin to Hope + Extras; Live at Lollapalooza
John Vanderslice -- the Minaret
Laura Veirs -- Saltbreakers
PJ Harvey -- White Chalk
Joanna Newsom -- Milk-eyed Mender; Cosmia
Tiny Vipers -- Hands Across the Void
I'm feeling pretty mellow this week.
Tons of events to go to in the next two weeks; people to see; submissions to read.
Want to learn to get up earlier to go running, but I think it's a broken dream. Maybe I should just run in the afternoon.
Submissions Wanted!
Submissions are pouring in!
That reminds me... want to submit?
**************************
That reminds me... want to submit?
**************************
CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS FOR OUR DEBUT ISSUE!
The Black Willow Review was born out of a desire to bring together high-quality, broken-out-of-the-mold and burned-the-box work that is accessible, fire-starting, and documents the ever-shifting world of literary and visual arts.
Now accepting:
::Poetry::
your inventions in verse
1-6 poems
please, no more than 10 pages
::Fiction::
short stories
chapters
flash fiction (500 words or less)
please, no more than 3000 words
::Creative Nonfiction::
you tell us! Not sure? Query us! We're friendly.
We're open to personal essays, interviews, and beyond!
Please send your best submissions either in the body of the email or as a .doc attachment to
BlackWillowReview@gmail.com
Please, no political or religious diatribes or teenage heartbreak poetry.
You MUST include a brief introductory letter in the body of your email, as well, with your complete name, the name of the work, the genre, and the number of pages.
Afraid of rejection? Send it anyway! We love to read.
Please no simultaneous submissions or previously published work!
We cannot pay at this time, but your work will appear in our quality online magazine if accepted.
Thank you, and we look forward to reading your work!
WEBSITE FORTHCOMING!!!!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Black Willow Review
It was born tonight.
It had been conceived for a while. Like indecisive parents, we couldn't choose a name. We thought of names with meanings related to the being. They just weren't right. Then, desperate, Alexis said something about her past. The name of her street at her former home in RI. I thought of the name of the street I lived on the longest. Hence, the name was born.
The myspace is up, but it is sparse yet: www.myspace.com/blackwillowreview.
I'm interested to see what the response we get is, overall.
I'm excited to pore over the submissions.
I'm excited to create something beyond myself. Again.
Thank goodness. It's been a while.
It had been conceived for a while. Like indecisive parents, we couldn't choose a name. We thought of names with meanings related to the being. They just weren't right. Then, desperate, Alexis said something about her past. The name of her street at her former home in RI. I thought of the name of the street I lived on the longest. Hence, the name was born.
The myspace is up, but it is sparse yet: www.myspace.com/blackwillowreview.
I'm interested to see what the response we get is, overall.
I'm excited to pore over the submissions.
I'm excited to create something beyond myself. Again.
Thank goodness. It's been a while.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Timing
It's almost a coincidence. Today's timing is....unreal. I remember it happening, and I remember being completely numb. That was a result of the crazy medication I was on. It made me feel nothing. I didn't even go home. That is what pills can do. A few years later, though, I felt it -- such a terrible feeling is delayed mourning for loss coupled with regret.
Today, someone found me and reminded me of it again. Incidentally, today is the 9 year anniversary of when it happened. I don't think about it often, because so much has happened since then -- so much. It does come up sometimes, though, when I tell people where I'm from. Lots of people heard about it, and it, coupled with another local accident, changed the way train tracks were treated throughout the state. That was a terrible year for my brother. A terrible year. The year the tracks changed. We all used to walk all over them. To get home faster. When we were bored. It didn't matter. We knew the danger. At the time, the trains had just become super fast -- like bullets. They used to be slower. My brother and I weren't crossing them anymore, because we had moved -- I to college, and he to our grandparents'... or Attleboro. I can't remember.
Today in 1998, a friend -- of mine and my brother's and many of our other friends -- intentionally stood on the train tracks in our neighborhood. We all knew when the trains came. We heard them all day and all night. We knew when to avoid the tracks. We knew that if we weren't sure to put a penny down. To watch for the shake. To feel the steel with our hands for the telltale vibration of a train a few miles away. We were masters of avoidance -- at school, at home, in the street, on the tracks strewn with those charcoal-like rocks.
He stood on the tracks, and waited for the train. I always see him there, in my mind. In the drizzle (such were the weather conditions when I heard, the next day). Wearing that dull army-green jacket and the gray hoodie beneath it. Strangely sensitive about the cold, despite the situation -- pulling his hood over his head. Living in muted tones. Waiting for the train.
The train came.
Timing is a strange and cruel beast.
Today, someone found me and reminded me of it again. Incidentally, today is the 9 year anniversary of when it happened. I don't think about it often, because so much has happened since then -- so much. It does come up sometimes, though, when I tell people where I'm from. Lots of people heard about it, and it, coupled with another local accident, changed the way train tracks were treated throughout the state. That was a terrible year for my brother. A terrible year. The year the tracks changed. We all used to walk all over them. To get home faster. When we were bored. It didn't matter. We knew the danger. At the time, the trains had just become super fast -- like bullets. They used to be slower. My brother and I weren't crossing them anymore, because we had moved -- I to college, and he to our grandparents'... or Attleboro. I can't remember.
Today in 1998, a friend -- of mine and my brother's and many of our other friends -- intentionally stood on the train tracks in our neighborhood. We all knew when the trains came. We heard them all day and all night. We knew when to avoid the tracks. We knew that if we weren't sure to put a penny down. To watch for the shake. To feel the steel with our hands for the telltale vibration of a train a few miles away. We were masters of avoidance -- at school, at home, in the street, on the tracks strewn with those charcoal-like rocks.
He stood on the tracks, and waited for the train. I always see him there, in my mind. In the drizzle (such were the weather conditions when I heard, the next day). Wearing that dull army-green jacket and the gray hoodie beneath it. Strangely sensitive about the cold, despite the situation -- pulling his hood over his head. Living in muted tones. Waiting for the train.
The train came.
Timing is a strange and cruel beast.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
Take Two
Of
Hello My Name is
Hello, My Name Is
Of No Importance
I Apologize in Advance
For Any Inconvenience
This is simply circumstance
this is merely happenstance
My name
is no more
than
one sound
My name
is less
than
a single beat.
When the tides break
down on the earth
stop and think
of the worth
you painstakingly assign
to every damn thing you
find.
my name is no more
than a cent. Less than
a meter.
You can only hear it.
But my name
is of no importance.
Again, I am terribly
sorry
for the inconvenience.
When the hurricanes
attack your coast,
don't name them
for me. Choose
instead the names
of politicians and pundits
celebrities and athletes
the ones who
choose to have
their names abused
because their
existence
is
so named.
(thank you webspace for being pen and paper when the tangibles are absent)
Hello My Name is
Hello, My Name Is
Of No Importance
I Apologize in Advance
For Any Inconvenience
This is simply circumstance
this is merely happenstance
My name
is no more
than
one sound
My name
is less
than
a single beat.
When the tides break
down on the earth
stop and think
of the worth
you painstakingly assign
to every damn thing you
find.
my name is no more
than a cent. Less than
a meter.
You can only hear it.
But my name
is of no importance.
Again, I am terribly
sorry
for the inconvenience.
When the hurricanes
attack your coast,
don't name them
for me. Choose
instead the names
of politicians and pundits
celebrities and athletes
the ones who
choose to have
their names abused
because their
existence
is
so named.
(thank you webspace for being pen and paper when the tangibles are absent)
Let's Go!
Hellooooo October. How are you? I missed you, and your crazy leaf-pigment-changing-ways. Your wind and your chill. Your frost on my car window at the end of the month. The people you bring in droves to my small town where nothing actually happened, but they market it like it did (it actually went down in Danvers, friends). Red Sox Mania, playoffs and beer.
Anyway. Here's a listing of events. I am simply trying to publicize some of the best events I'm aware of, with a dash of nepotism.
October 2: At The Point in Boston: Matt Wilding (that's my brother) and his comedy cohorts make people laugh. 730 pm, I expect it's about five smackers.
October 9: I don't know if this is even happening, because it's not on the Cornerstone event calendar, but I had intended to hear the people read at the Salem Witer's Group at that store at 7 pm or so. Free.
October 12: Orhan Pamuk at the Harvard Book Store/Memorial Church, Cambridge. 5 smackers. 7 pm.
October 13: Richard Wilbur at the Newburyport Library. 3pm. FREE.
October 16: Unveiling of the Best American Short Stories with Stephen King, Memorial Church, Cambridge, 15 smackers.
October 17: PowWow River Poets in Newburyport at the Newburyport Arts Association. Free. 7pm.
October 21: The New and Emerging Writers Series (see http://newsreadings.wordpress.com/) in Arlington, in the basement of the Regeant Theatre. Free. 4 pm --- it's a Poetry Extravaganza!
Anyway. Here's a listing of events. I am simply trying to publicize some of the best events I'm aware of, with a dash of nepotism.
October 2: At The Point in Boston: Matt Wilding (that's my brother) and his comedy cohorts make people laugh. 730 pm, I expect it's about five smackers.
October 9: I don't know if this is even happening, because it's not on the Cornerstone event calendar, but I had intended to hear the people read at the Salem Witer's Group at that store at 7 pm or so. Free.
October 12: Orhan Pamuk at the Harvard Book Store/Memorial Church, Cambridge. 5 smackers. 7 pm.
October 13: Richard Wilbur at the Newburyport Library. 3pm. FREE.
October 16: Unveiling of the Best American Short Stories with Stephen King, Memorial Church, Cambridge, 15 smackers.
October 17: PowWow River Poets in Newburyport at the Newburyport Arts Association. Free. 7pm.
October 21: The New and Emerging Writers Series (see http://newsreadings.wordpress.com/) in Arlington, in the basement of the Regeant Theatre. Free. 4 pm --- it's a Poetry Extravaganza!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
