Operations!

Things feel good right now.

1. Thank you Red Sox for winning the World Series!

I love Jonathan Papelbon. Seriously, pictures of that boy dancing just make my day: they're freaking hilarious. Who dances with a cigar and gatorade? Gross!

The best thing is that I was at home for this win. Last time, I was in the hospital, passed out.

Now I can sleep again (or at least, without guilt). Wish we had bought some furniture. Dammit!

2. Work is going well. I just love my job. I can't get enough of it. The best thing about it is it gives me an opportunity to identify my own challenges. I need, for example, to be able to better assess the work that comes in, my own work, and express that assessment effectively. That's tough for me, because once I get any distance from anything I tend to exaggerate; it becomes much worse (or better) in my head than it actually is. At the same time, I hate to say anything disparaging about anything, especially another writer. Sometimes, it has to be done. It's not about them, after all; it's about their work.

Even though I love what I do, sometimes I get distracted by other goings-on in the world or in the office; I do my best to devote all my attention to what I'm doing to ensure the quality of the piece.

I've been there for a year today; I've been in the role I am currently in for a year.

3. I've met some nice people lately. This is good for me. I'm naturally rather introverted, and susceptible to self-induced loneliness. That isolation is particularly acute when it comes to writing, particularly where Alexis and I just started magazine operations, but we are located at opposite ends of the country (she in CA, I in MA). It felt like it would be: more volume. Immediately. The lack thereof, somehow, makes the isolation persist. It's a slightly bigger island, but now, thankfully, at least I know a few more people on it.

4. Kristin is coming to visit next month! That's very exciting. I love that girl to death. She's one of the best human beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Because she lives at the bottom of the coast, obviously, I don't see her all that often anymore. There was a glorious year when she lived directly down the street from me, and then within just about a mile. Halcyon days, friends, halcyon days.

5. People have made some pretty good recommendations to me, music-wise. I found some new artists I actually like, and I don't feel perpetually bored when I am listening to the same old songs over and over.

6. I think I've finally come to a conclusion about grad school. I had talked to a lot of people who pointed out the benefits: time with your writing, "expert" advice, a learning community, new connections and so forth. Those are all valid. However, if I went to grad school, I would have to work as well. I had stipulated earlier that I didn't want to go unless I could go all in and just complete my degree and nothing else.

That's not feasible. At all. Not only is it not feasible, it's not really what I want, because I do love my job and don't want to sacrifice it.

Interestingly, on a whim, I asked my boss, Jim, if he went to grad school and what he thought about the value of the experience. Interestingly, I learned that he enrolled for the same type of program I would enroll in (MFA -- CW), got to the school, and then turned around and went home. There were several reasons for this, which we discussed, but he made a point of saying that unless you can pursue it the way you really, truly want to pursue it, it won't be worth it. I had signed up to go to an information session at a school which would be a major compromise for me.

I don't want to compromise my dreams. My dreams are multi-faceted, and deserve all my attention in the best way I can provide it. The best way I can do that now is to keep the job that I love and pursue my poetry "career" (a contradiction in terms?) in my spare time. At night. With the other poets that are out there trying to do the same.

There are a lot of you, I know.

As it stands now, I work in a capacity that is very fulfilling, and I pursue my other interests when I come home, on the weekends, in all my spare time. I don't think I want to tie that -- honestly very effective -- set of functions to conditions set by a professor who may not be aligned with my thinking. I understand that everything requires skill sets, and that is something education can offer. At the same time, I've been to enough school to know that sometimes, those skill sets may be coupled with poor advice or unintentional bias towards a particular way of operating.

So far, I'm doing ok. I am meeting goals, one step at a time.

Until the day comes that I can pursue it whole-heartedly, I'm going to leave grad school on the backburner. The one without a pilot light.